Depressed and Alone
by LucyBrick123
Summary: *Takes place after Episode 34* Pixal Borg's world was over when she saw Zane died. She couldn't believe the only person she has loved died in front of her. Pixal started to change. Cutting herself to take away the pain and doing drugs to forget about everything. Will Pixal be like that forever? Or will her family help her? WARNING: Drug use and cutting
1. Zane Gone And Cutting

This is a random story I thought when I heard that Zane...died _but,_ he was alive in the digiverse and Pixal was so happy to see him. So anyway, in this story Zane is defiantly dead._ (I'm sorry) _He is isn't alive in the digiverse, The Golden Master fully killed Zane _(Again Sorry). _So on with the story! Oh! And before I forget, I'm doing this friendly competition with Isla-Robin-295 with my story with hers. Basically she "stole" my idea of writing this so we agreed to have a friendly competition. Her story is called: Darkest To Dawn. So yeah read her story first before you say that my story is the best. Okay on with the story now.

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><p>Pixal POV<p>

It has been a few days since Zane's death and I was devastated about him. Everyone was actually but I was the most affected. I never knew I will find love, especially me since I was a robot, and when I did, the only person I loved died in front of me. I didn't even had the chance to say I love you to Zane. I was to heartbroken about the fact that Zane left us. I couldn't believe that he died, but he did. We wall saw Cole hold that half part of Zane's face. I cried. I cried, I sobbed, I mourn over him. I couldn't get over Zane. First I left him when the ninja turn off the power, but then he gives me half his power source for me. That's when I knew how much he cared for me. I remember the moments when I kept getting on top of him on accident, when we did spinjittzu together, when he hugged me after he came back from the digiverse...I burst out crying remembering him.

I remember Zane's funeral clearly in my mind, all of us went to the monastery where the ninja used to teach. Cyrus and I were going to stay there while the city was getting fixed by what the Overlord did. As we went over there, I was silent. I didn't say a word, nothing, too sad to say anything. When we got there, I was assigned my own room for privacy and something about 'needing some space and time alone'. Right now, i'm in my room, against the wall, sitting down, head between my knees, crying silently. It just happened to fast like a blink of an eye. I started crying a little loud. It has been 3 days since that day but I still cry as if it was a minute ago.

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><p>Everyone was eating in the dinning room, even I was there. I was forced to eat by Cyrus. I just didn't feel like eating, especially infront of everyone. My eyes were red from crying and my hair was messier than it should. I wasn't even eating, I was just playing with my food with the fork while everyone was silent. I was thinking about Zane, wondering why he did that sacrifice. Suddenly I felt angry. Why did he sacrifice himself!? I needed answers and I needed them now! I hit my fist against the table and stood up from my seat, everyone surprised by my sudden action.<p>

"Why did Zane have to sacrifice himself!?" I yelled.

"Pixal calm down" Cyrus said to me but I didn't listen to him.

"I don't want to calm down! I need to know why he did that!" I answered, tears already streaming down my face.

"It was his Destiny" Sensei Wu said as he sipped his tea. I couldn't believe him.

"Why wasn't Destiny like that when Lloyd faced the Overlord!?" Right after I said that, Kai stood up while Lloyd next to him looked slightly hurt.

"Don't bring Lloyd into this! It was all of your fault that Zane died!" Kai yelled at me.

"Kai" Sensei Wu warned him.

"Oh! So all of this is my fault now! How is this even my fault!?"

"Kai stop, your're making things worse" Nya tried to calm her brother.

"Because he gave you half his power source!" Cole exclaimed all of a sudden. I suddenly stop with all the yelling and realize that...that was true.

"If he didn't gave you half his power source, none of this would have happen!" Kai yelled at me as I lower my head.

"Please stop Kai! Your hurting her" Cyrus said in tears. He was right. Kai was hurting me with words. Who ever knew words hurt a lot. Kai got off his seat and started to approach me. His eyes were already wet, ready to start crying.

"It was all your FAULT!" Kai screamed at me and he shoved me to the ground as I landed hard on the floor, him on top of me. I tried to get him off me but he was way stronger than me. Kai punched me hard in the face as Cole, Lloyd and Sensei Wu tried to get him off me. Meanwhile Nya was already crying and Jay was comforting her. Kai kept punching me in the face and I felt all the pain. Cyrus was trying to get me from on top of him but he couldn't. Finally they got rid of Kai from me as I ran into Cyrus' arms and started crying even more. Cyrus holded me in his arms, protecting me. He lifted my face to see some bruises started to swell. I just couldn't contain it anymore. I went running to my room and locked myself in there. I was safer there. I layer on my bed and thought about the events that has happened so far. I realized I had feelings for Zane when he gave me half his power source, he sacrificed himself to save everyone and apparently it was all of my fault. I just cried more thinking that it was, in fact, all of my fault.

I got up and went to the bathroom. I locked myself in there and went to look for something _sharp. _Then I saw a small dagger under the sink. Not wondering why is it there, I look at my reflection, I was a mess. My hair was on knots, my face was soaked by tears and bruises, my eyes slightly look red, I was a mess just because of Zane. I looked at the dagger in my hand and looked at it, it was _really _sharp. With out thinking, I start cutting my left wrist. I did two big gashes on my wrist and saw my 'blood' coming out. Dark red oil start coming out of my cuts. The pain, somehow felt..._good. _I let my 'blood' run out. I didn't clean it or anything. I saw the 'blood' running down my arm and in the sides of my wrist. I just feel a lot of pain, not of my cut, of Zane. I cried, it's what I have been doing all this time. I got up from sitting against the wall of the bathroom and went to bed. I didn't care if I stain the bed, all I care was Zane. I put my head against the pillow and cried myself to sleep. I was hoping that all of this was a dream, that I will wake up and see Zane. But it wasn't a dream. Zane died, and I saw it all.

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><p><em>~Everyone saw Zane in front of the Overlord, shooting his ice powers at him. They all tried to stop him, but they couldn't. Pixal was screaming and yelling him to stop, she couldn't stand it seeing him in pain. <em>_But he was doing this to save all of Ninjago City and his family. That's when everything flashed; Zane died now, but the Golden Master was still fully alive._

_"You think you pathetic Ninja could stop me again!?" he yelled at them; Then he turn to Pixal. "Zane seems to care about you the most" He paused. "So you are going to die first!" Then The Golden Master attacked Pixal and everything turned black.~_

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><p>Pixal POV<p>

"AAAHHHHHH!" I scream as I sat up from my bed. I was breathing heavily and sweat was rolling down my forehead. I don't know why was I sweating, the room was really cold. A shiver goes down my spine as I got up to go to the bathroom, taking out the pocket knife again. I wonder why no one got up, I screamed really loud. Either I didn't scream loud enough or no one cared about me. I start crying again, thinking about that dream again. It was still vivid in my mind. I wipe my tears as I open the pocket knife and cut my right wrist like my other wrist. My blood was running down my arm. I couldn't stand being so miserable just for Zane. I start crying more as I slide down the wall to the floor, sitting down. I put my head against my knees and fall asleep with tears and blood.

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><p>That's it! I know, Pixal is too OOC. I know! Don't need to point it out. Anyway if you guys like this story and would like for me to continue, tell me in the reviews please! But I doubt it anyone will like it :-l. So anyway...review if you want me to continue! Later! ~Lucy<p> 


	2. Anorexic And Running Off

Apparently some of you guys like this story! And I'm happy that you guys enjoy this story :D So I decided to but this is a short update. Sorry! Enjoy!

P.S: To the guest out there who reviewed the previous chapter: I don't cut myself

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><p>Pixal POV<p>

I woke up the next morning and looked at my surroundings; I noticed that I spent the night in the bathroom. I remembered cutting my wrists and the horrible nightmare. I kept looking at my wrists, the 'blood' dried in my arms. Since my skin was white, the blood was noticeable so I clean it on the bathroom sink. When I finish cleaning my arm, I saw the cuts I made. There weren't scars yet, but soon will be. I gasp, suddenly thinking what if the others see it, but then I don't worry. I am not going to be leaving this room any time soon and I can simply cover it with my sleeves.

I get out of the bathroom I sit against the wall in my room like I have been always doing and put my head against my knees. The others will be probably wondering where am I since everyone is eating breakfast by now, but I don't care. I don't feel like eating, i'm not even hungry. All this mourning for Zane has left me with no appetite. I just sit there, nothing to do but to think how Zane would have felt like when I told the words 'I love you' to him. He will probably be happy, even joyful. I'll never know now. I shed a few tears wondering how it will feel like to be in Zane's arms. Sure he had hug me once, but I wanted to know more of him. I wonder how will it feel like to kiss him, his soft lips against mine. Guess i'll never know. I cry more than I hear a knock on my door. Gosh! Why can't they just leave me alone!? Then the door opens to reveal Nya with a plate on her hand. She walks up to me and puts the plate in the drawer.

"I thought you might be hungry" Nya said. I shook my head. She lower herself so she was at my level. I wanted so badly to say 'Leave me alone!' but I kept quiet. She puts her hand on my shoulder, I feel shivers down my spine as I back away from her. Nya looked surprise as she puts her hand down. "I know you feel worse than all of us, but you have to move on" I cry harder.

'How can I move on when he was the only one I loved!?' I wanted to yell at her, but just I cry. Nya went on and put an arm around me but I jump and move over to a corner of the room. Nya looked surprise and shocked in how I reacted. She got up and left like if nothing happen. I was surprise also. I felt shivers down my spine every time she touched me. Is this is how I am going to be? Scared and terrified when someone is close to me? I cry. I am starting to change just because of Zane's death.

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><p>No POV<p>

Nya walked quickly to the boy's room. She was very shocked of what just happened and what she saw. When Nya got there she barge in and said it.

"Something is wrong with Pixal" Nya exclaimed.

"So do us. We are all upset over Zane" Cole said looking down.

"But you don't understand, she is feeling worse" Nya try to explain.

"All of us do" snapped Kai.

"What do you mean?" said Lloyd ignoring Kai.

"I mean that..." Nya took a deep breath "she is cutting herself" Everyone looked at her.

"What?" Lloyd said surprised as Nya held back tears.

"Yeah. I saw her wrists and she has two big cuts" Nya explained. "And when I went to hug her, she freaked out and moved away from me" She shed a few tears. "I just want to know if she is okay" Kai went up to hug her.

"Let's check on her before she does it again" Jay said as all of them went to Pixal's room. Jay moved the door knob and this time...it was locked. They tried turning it harder but it wouldn't open.

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><p>Pixal POV<p>

I heard them tried to open the door but this time I locked it. They need to learn to leave me alone, one way or another. I had the dagger in my hand. I was about to cut myself again even deeper but when I was about to do it, I was interrupted.

"Open the door!" I hear them yell but I ignore them. I decided to have some _real _ privacy, so I grab a black jacket from my closet, grab my dagger and left through the window. I jumped over the edge as I hear them open my door. I then jump down carefully to the ground and go towards the city.

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><p>No POV<p>

Everyone looked around the room, trying to look for Pixal but she wasn't in the room. Everyone was worried. Cyrus passed through the door but went back.

"What's going on here?" he asked entering the room. No one knew what to say but to say the truth.

"Pixal is not here" Cole blurted out. Cyrus had wide eyes

"What!? Where is she!?" Cyrus yelled, everyone was scared of Cyrus' sudden outburst.

"We don't know, but there is something wrong with her" Lloyd said.

"What is it?" Cyrus exclaimed. No one wanted to say it but they no choice.

"She is cutting herself" Nya said quietly but Cyrus heard it clearly.

"WHAT!? No! Not my daughter! She can't be!" Cyrus yelled, tears forming in his eyes. Everyone was shocked when they heard Cyrus call Pixal his daughter. All of them went up to him and put a comforting hand on him.

"Don't worry. We will find your daughter" Jay said softly."Thank you" Cyrus said, putting a weak smile on his face.

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><p>Stupid ending, I know. I didn't work my best on this chapter but I really needed some good reviews to cheer me up :) Have a good DayNight! ~Lucy


	3. Tattoos And Secrets Revealed

Well here it is peeps! Some of you REALLY like this story so I decided to update and yeah...this chapter may be strange and I highly doubt anyone else is going to read it. So yeah enjoy and if you like it (Don't think so) Review! I need some happiness in my life! Have been pretty down lately...

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><p>Pixal POV<p>

I was in the city now, surrounded by neon lights and people walking by. I walked quickly because I didn't wanted to be seen. I was so scared of a lot of people around me, I got in a random shop close by so I would avoid the outside. I look around and see that I entered a tattoo shop. I seen some people with these but I never knew how they put the tattoo in their skin. Suddenly I look upon a guy who stands there.

"May I help you?" the guy says **(It's the guy with the pink mohawk in episode 30)** I look at his arms and there are _filled _with tattoos. I stare at him and then suddenly blurt out something I will hopefully not regret.

"I will like to have a tattoo" I say.

"What kind?" he asks. I started thinking but it was an obvious answer for me.

"Snowflakes. Any kind of snowflakes" I answer. He looked surprised.

"Where?" he asked. I started thinking a place where know could see it.

"Down my arm" I said gesturing at my left arm from my shoulder blade.

"Okay" he said. He then gestured me to a chair. "Come here" I started walking towards there but hesitated.

"Wait!" I exclaimed. "How are you going to do it?" I asked.

"With this" he said as he show me something that looked like a gun with a needle in it. **(I don't what their called or how they looked like)****  
><strong>

"Okay" I answered as I go to the chair. I started wondering what are the others doing as I take off my black hoodie.

"Not to be rude or anything but, what happened to your face?" The man said as he gathered the materials. I was confused at first but then I remember the huge bruise I had in my right eye when Kai punched me. I looked in the closest mirror and saw that I had a purple bruise. I didn't notice until just now.

"That is none of your business!" I snapped at him, making sure he doesn't say anything stupid anymore. He raised his eyebrows.

"Just asking" He said before approaching me with the needle for the tattoo. I will hopefully not regret this.

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><p>Back with the others<p>

Everyone started looking in the monastery, thinking that Pixal might be hiding here. They looked everywhere but she was definitely not here. Meanwhile, Cyrus has been wheeling around the room, panicking and pacing.

"Where is she? Where is she?" Cyrus kept muttering to himself for the past hours. He then remembered something. "Why didn't I think about this earlier!?"

"Think about what?" Lloyd asked.

"I remember putting a GPS on her, in case she got lost" Cyrus explained as he wheeled himself over his room. He then found the device he needed. He saw the purple dot blink close by Zane's statue. "Oh" is all he say.

"Where is she?" Cole asked. Cyrus showed them the device. No one said anything.

"Let her have alone time with him" Nya said.

Everyone knew Pixal was depressed.

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><p>Pixal POV<p>

I was on my way to the forest where Zane's statue was. I didn't see it in person and I won't. I will never see the statue, I will only see it from a distance. I sat against a tree, careful with my _tattoos. _I didn't only have one, I had two others that were small. I had Zane's full name behind my neck, with the date of his death printed also and a small snowflake besides his name, being the Ninja of Ice.

**R.I.P**

**_Zane Julien*_**

**_June 16, 2014_**

I also had a medium size snowflake on my left ankle. And last but not least, the big one I had on my left arm and down past my elbow a bit. I had five big different types of snowflakes that were a light shade of blue like Zane's eyes, and I had to admit, I really loved how it turn out. I sighted. I'm changing. I decided to ignore and look out of the city from the tree I was. I saw construction men clean up the mess where The Golden Master and Zane battled. I looked away from there, all of that reminds me of Zane.

As I looked away, I saw Zane's picture besides his statue and on the statue I saw...the Falcon. It cawed and stood there, still sad for his owner to be gone. I whistled loudly enough to get his attention since I didn't wanted to go up there. It saw me and flew over where I was sitting as he sits in my shoulder. If he could have cried, his eyes will be red instead of ice blue like Zane's eyes. The Falcon saw my sadness and cawed. I pet his head and then got up, pulling my arms closely to me. I don't why, ever since I got here, I feel really cold even though it's not that windy and I have my jacket on. I decide to ignore it and started walking home with the Falcon following me. I started walking slowly home, not caring everyone else was worried for me. I don't care anymore.

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><p>No POV<p>

Everyone, especially Cyrus, was worried for Pixal. They knew where she was it just that it was getting late, it was almost night, and she was not here yet. The guys were getting really frustrated, especially Kai.

"I swear to The First Spinjitzu Master if she doesn't come this moment, we are going to start looking for her out there in the city" exclaimed Kai getting impatient. He thought Pixal's absence was all his fault. He never meant to punch her, he was just still upset about Zane's death.

"Weren't you the one who didn't wanted her here?" Cyrus snapped at him. Kai glared at him.

"Well sorry for worrying for your stupid daughter!" Kai yelled at him. Cyrus just stood there, wanting to crush him but his disability to stand up stopped him from doing so. Pixal came in from the front door, with her jacket on. Everyone was relieved.

"I guess she heard you" Jay muttered as he cracked a small sad smile.

"Pixal, are you okay?" Cyrus says worriedly as he wheels over to her. Pixal nods like nothing's wrong. Since Cyrus couldn't stand up to hug her, he went up to hold her hand. As soon as he makes contacts with her pale hand, she snatches her hand back. Everyone was surprised to her reaction. Pixal looked at them with horrifying eyes and left to her room like nothing happened. When she left, Nya spoke up.

"This is what I mean, she is not okay" Nya said. No one said anything, no one understands Pixal.

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><p>Pixal POV<p>

I came in my room and sat on the edge of my bed. I just needed some time to think. I wanted to be alone, with no one. I hear a knock and then they open the door. Can't they just leave me alone!

"Leave _now" _I say, my voice sounding dark.

"Pixal, we know you need help. We can help you!" Cole exclaimed at me. I just clutch my fist in my sides and start crying.

"I don't need help! I need Zane!" I yell and then Cyrus appears in the doorway, tears in his eyes.

"We know what you are doing to yourself" Cyrus said, slightly gesturing to his wrist. I was shocked. They knew.

"LEAVE NOW!" I yelled at them. They scurried off the room as I shut the door close and lock it. I lean against the door and start crying to my hands. My whole entire life is a total mess. Not only I don't wanted to be alone...I didn't wanted to hurt the only family who cared for me. Well...at least I think they do.

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><p>Done *Explosion in the background* Hopes you guys enjoyed it and see you until next time! I will try to update often, I promise I will try! Late! :D<p>

~Lucy


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